Baby Tomato

Hi Darling!!!

I'm so very very excited to tell you I got to see you yesterday.  As soon as you were on the screen, you make my heart stop and I could already tell how wonderfully beautiful you are.  As the ultrasound technician kept moving the camera around my belly, she said everything was normal.  Your heart, lungs, bones, feet (not club foot), lips (not cleft), nose, brain, stomach, kidneys.  All were perfect and normal.  And your spine is spectacular.  It's straight and perfect.  Your heartbeat was 148 bpm and you weigh 8 oz. I still think you're a girl, daddy still says boy.  You gave us a big yawn, and sucked on your fingers, and looked just like a little baby should.  I was so overjoyed to see you so safe and healthy.  It's crazy to think that's the most in depth I'll ever see you.  Once you're out here, I won't see that heart, lungs, spine etc.  But yesterday I got to see it all.  And they told us they are all normal.  You loved the camera and sat so well to have your picture taken.  You are amazingly beautiful and I can't hardly stand to wait the next 21 weeks to meet you.

The nurse wrote your gender down on a piece of paper, and that paper is tucked away in my purse.  As soon as I'm done writing this, I'm going to shower and daddy and I are going to buy your first outfit.  I'm hoping you'll be able to fit into it the day we bring you home.  In two days honey, I'll know if you're a baby boy tomato, or a baby girl tomato...I'll be thrilled with either one, because yesterday, hearing how normal and perfect you are, were words far more precious to me than what gender you are.

19 Weeks

your beautiful profile and straight spine

it's weird to me that these are almost life-size pictures of you...
you're not much bigger than the palm of my hand

Hello Sweet Potato

My darling Sweet Potato,

We are at the end of 18 weeks. We go to the doctor in 3 DAYS! I'm so ecstatic I can hardly contain myself! I'm still getting sick every morning, but I'm past the feeling icky all day. I'm still loving spicy and ice cream...YUM. I can't wait for the day I get to feel you inside me.

Daddy and I are so excited to go buy your first outfit. Granted, we are picking out two and having the salesperson wrap up whatever the envelope says. We will get to put that beautiful package under our tree for 3 days. The only present under our tree will be you. The excitement may cause me to go crazy.

One of my girls asked me on Monday if I already had my baby. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Clearly I wasn't showing much that day. Another little girl came up to me today and rubbed my belly saying, you have a baby in there. Yes sweetheart, I do.

I can't even tell you how much better I've felt these last couple of weeks. My only downfall is the panic attacks I get when I'm stressed. I'm not used to my body reacting that way to stressful situations. Chest closing up, heavy breathing and heart pounding. Yes, the doctor will be hearing about this. And hopefully we can adjust some things.

I love you sweetheart, with all my heart, I'm so very excited to see you in 3 days!

Love, Mom

Dear Baby Onion

Hi Baby,

I'm having a hard time calling you an onion this week...but as your daddy says, that just means your full of layers. A student's parent said that means you'll smell and make my eyes water. I believe at some point or another, both those are true.

I'm so happy to tell you that things are going to get better. Things are already better. I'm so much happier and have so much more optimism. I'm happy to see this belly your making in my tummy. I'm so happy to find out in two weeks if you are a little boy or a little girl. I'm so happy again. And me being happy means a healthier you. I'm going to continue to take care of myself and you. Things will be much, much better.

I love soft serve ice cream. I love spicy food, although it does not love me at all. I love naps. I love sweets. I also love you!

Love, with all my heart,

Mommy

Baby Avocado

Ok, ok, so I failed last week when you were an apple/orange to post. Let's be honest. Nothing too exciting happened :)

It was Thanksgiving and we spent the entire week with family. That was fun! We went to McCall for 2 nights and got to hang out and relax. I had a major meltdown on night one because I felt so guilty leaving Appa at home. But once I knew Rachel was there to take care of him, all was better.

We went to the Dr. this week. Happily, they prescribed me another anti nausea pill. I'm not sure how I feel about this one though. First of all, it makes me very very sleepy. And yesterday I threw it up within an 1/2 hour. I think that was my fault though for not eating anything right when I got up.

I had a bad day yesterday...and I'm trying to figure out a way to have less bad days. I told your daddy that I feel like you're taking all the pieces of me away, and I'm left with this person I don't know, and I don't know how to control. Little things set me over the edge and I can't pick myself up from them. Yesterday it was a matter of plans changing, and feeling like I was in the way, everyone's way, all day. Your daddy says he hopes you're getting lots of me and that would make him very happy. He thinks I'm wonderful and thinks you deserve to have my qualities. I think he's crazy. I don't know who I am anymore, and I don't know how to live with me. I can't find "normal" anymore. Sometimes...it's just hard...not being able to grasp your own feelings and take control of the tears. I know it's silly, and I know that I over react. I can tell you and your dad that. I know that. But there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I've started decorating the house. It will eventually all come together and be pretty. We got some news from the doctor as well. They didn't schedule the ultra sound on the 24th, so that means we go in the 21st. I think we're still going to wait until Christmas Eve though to open our gift. It will be the best present under my tree this year! I'm trying to do everything right for you. I'm trying to keep my stress level down (that will help with the circus over). Let's be honest baby, sometimes, I'm scared.

I love you, with all my heart, Mommy

Dear Nectarine

Dear Nectarine,

First, every time I call you that, I then want a nectarine.  This will be the hardest post I've had to write so far, but I'll start with the happy things.  Ever since I've been on a prescription, I've felt much, much better.  We only had one day of yucky (well, and last night).  We get to spend this whole weekend with family.  Grandma and Grandpa Otter are coming into town.  We get to bake cookies with YOUR grandma tomorrow.  We will spend Thanksgiving and Grandma and Grandpa Clark's house.  Then Sunday we get to spend more time with your grandparents :)  It should be a great weekend!

This is my bump in the morning before I've eaten, you're much more impressive in the evenings 

And now for the yucky...

I have the pleasure of having the entire week off this week.  Yesterday I spent the day doing laundry, relaxing and not having much stress in my life.  A little over a year ago, we added 2 new members to our family.  Jazmin and Appa.  We got them when they were only 6 weeks old.  

In the first few weeks, Jazmin was clearly the leader of the two.  She kept Appa in line at all times. Whatever she did, was what was going to happen.  It didn't take them very long to learn how to dig.  They  would get out of the yard ALL the time.  Aunt Rachel was living with us at the time and spent many mornings/afternoons chasing them around in the pasture behind the house.  As they got bigger, so did their holes.  

Daddy finally put up a hot wire fence in the backyard.  They stayed in the yard ALL summer.  Jazmin did get hit pretty hard with it once and was gun shy for a couple weeks.  I felt so bad when she wouldn't come out of her doghouse.  Poor baby was electrocuted (I made up for it by electrocuting myself twice that same week).  She got over it and was her same old self.  

Right before school started, they started getting out of the yard again.  They had to be put back into their small dog run while we were gone.  And with school in session, was all the time.  We tried to get them some freedom, but they just kept getting out.  We had gone about a month with no incidents, but last week they got out.  Then again.  Then...Wednesday night, I got a phone call from the American Kennel Society saying the shelter had our dogs.  I went and picked them up, was very disappointed in them.  Jazmin was rechipped because her chip wasn't working.  

Last night Anthony came into the Lund's house while I was making dinner.  We had to leave to go find Appa.  Animal had already been called about Jazmin.  She was hit, and didn't make it.  We covered the holes, we tried to give them freedom, but they kept wanting out.  

Appa was picked up by a neighbor.  He spent his first night inside with us.  I don't know how to tell him she's not coming home.  He looks for her...but refused to go outside.  I don't blame him.  I'm sure was watched it happen.  The numbness from yesterday is gone.  Today I'm sad.  Sad to see only one puppy...sad to see a sad puppy.  Sad that our yard wasn't enough for her.  Sad that she was only a year old.  I have one very loyal and snuggly puppy today...we'll see how long that lasts. I don't know what to do with him. We had them outside so when you came into this world we wouldn't have to change their life style.  We just changed it big time.  Appa lost his sister and his best friend.  I lost my sweet baby girl, who was ornery, stubborn, bossy and a lover.  I will miss her so much.  I will always feel so horrible her life was cut short.  I miss my baby girl.  I miss her wagging tail.  I miss that I know she's allergic to bees and I will never have to worry about that again.  Good bye Jazmin...

Appa's first night/morning with us

Baby Peach

Well...if I don't write this soon you won't be a peach/tangerine anymore. Last Wednesday I was very freaked out by the up all night throwing up we went through. I was incredibly worried something was wrong. As much as I hated it, I was glad when I finally spiked a fever. At least then I knew it was just the flu. The doctor finally prescribed an anti-nausea medication and I haven't been sick since then. We also had a fun adventure clothes shopping. Maternity clothes are quite expensive (or horribly ugly). Daddy and I are going out again tonight to find more fun things. You have a crib sitting in our garage :) I'm so excited to get your room cleaned out and start putting things together. I love you baby. You're growing so fast!

Hello Baby Plum

There we are at 12 weeks.  

Dear Plum,

We went to the doctor this week.  Your heart rate was 160 bpm.  It's the most soothing and happy feeling in the world to hear you; to know you are healthy and still growing inside me.  Which, obviously you are...my belly gets bigger and bigger every day.  I can't believe how much you love tortilla chips.  It's my new addiction.  Thankfully, you like healthy things too.  I told my class this week about you.  They decided you could be named Lightning, Hot Wheels, or...the all time favorite, Fast Girl.  I decided to leave the naming to your dad and I.  I think we'll be able to handle it.  They also wanted to know how I knew I was pregnant.  I told them I went to the doctor and I got to see a picture of you.  Then, they asked when I was getting you...well, I wish it was that easy....to get you.  

I was looking online for baby shower gifts today, and then got a little side tracked.  I found a crib for you that I'm in love with. I think I'm starting to get excited about shopping.  I've been a little timid about buying anything, but I don't think I'm afraid anymore.  I'll always be worried that something might happen to you, but I need to put that fear aside, and start to get myself, this house, and everything else ready, for you.  You're going to be such a happy and spoiled baby :) Just wait, you'll see.

I love you with all my heart and everything I have,

Mom