Baby Avocado

Ok, ok, so I failed last week when you were an apple/orange to post. Let's be honest. Nothing too exciting happened :)

It was Thanksgiving and we spent the entire week with family. That was fun! We went to McCall for 2 nights and got to hang out and relax. I had a major meltdown on night one because I felt so guilty leaving Appa at home. But once I knew Rachel was there to take care of him, all was better.

We went to the Dr. this week. Happily, they prescribed me another anti nausea pill. I'm not sure how I feel about this one though. First of all, it makes me very very sleepy. And yesterday I threw it up within an 1/2 hour. I think that was my fault though for not eating anything right when I got up.

I had a bad day yesterday...and I'm trying to figure out a way to have less bad days. I told your daddy that I feel like you're taking all the pieces of me away, and I'm left with this person I don't know, and I don't know how to control. Little things set me over the edge and I can't pick myself up from them. Yesterday it was a matter of plans changing, and feeling like I was in the way, everyone's way, all day. Your daddy says he hopes you're getting lots of me and that would make him very happy. He thinks I'm wonderful and thinks you deserve to have my qualities. I think he's crazy. I don't know who I am anymore, and I don't know how to live with me. I can't find "normal" anymore. Sometimes...it's just hard...not being able to grasp your own feelings and take control of the tears. I know it's silly, and I know that I over react. I can tell you and your dad that. I know that. But there's nothing I can do to stop it.

I've started decorating the house. It will eventually all come together and be pretty. We got some news from the doctor as well. They didn't schedule the ultra sound on the 24th, so that means we go in the 21st. I think we're still going to wait until Christmas Eve though to open our gift. It will be the best present under my tree this year! I'm trying to do everything right for you. I'm trying to keep my stress level down (that will help with the circus over). Let's be honest baby, sometimes, I'm scared.

I love you, with all my heart, Mommy